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rebecca

1/10/2017

8 Comments

 
​THE MONSTER!

It was just the monster and I all alone in a dark, damp, horrible corridor. I looked in front and behind which way should I go? Nervously, I darted forward. Unfortunately, I took a wrong turn. I was trapped. What was I going to do? Suddenly, a dark figure appeared on the wall. At that moment, I heard a ferocious growl. What was going to happen me? Was I going to be alright?

By Rebecca.
8 Comments
Hannah.H
1/10/2017 08:28:11 am

Hi Rebecca, Really good story!
* Really good punctuation!
* Very good adjectives!
Wish: None
Overall really good well done!

Reply
Ellen P
1/10/2017 10:15:37 am

Well done this week Rebecca.
*I really liked your punctuation and your grammar.
*I loved your adjectives and sentence openers.
*I liked the way you put in a question to give your audience something to think about.
-Ellen P

Reply
Rose
1/10/2017 12:49:33 pm

Hi Rebecca, wonderful story.
Star= Amazing punctuation.
Wish= I don't have any.
Star=Great sentence openers and adjectives.
Question=So how did you end up in the corridor?

Reply
Christopher
1/10/2017 03:14:09 pm

Hi Rebecca,
It was a great idea to ad in more than one question it really makes the addience question themselves to try and figure out the answer or sometimes it can scare, if you ask a question like What was going to happen me? it makes them think of what might happen, and that is good in my opinion because your grabbing their attention so much that it makes them have feelings about the story and I think that nearly every sucessful writer would say that is one of the most improtant skills to learn to become a good writer.
Keep it up,
Christopher

Reply
Jennifer Billings
1/11/2017 08:42:30 am

What kind of monster? what did he, she, or it look like? I'm wondering...nice tension in your writing.

Reply
Emily
1/11/2017 09:46:22 am

Hey Rebecca,
Such I good story,
Star: such a interesting story,
Wish maybe make story longer.

Reply
Jack link
1/12/2017 09:30:44 am

Hi Rebecca.
Thank you for your comment on my story.
I thought that your story was fantastic. Your vocabulary is excellent. The cliffhanger was a nice touch. Maybe you'd like to write a part two? I'm dying to know what happened.
Well done.
Jack, Mrs. Boyce's Class, Cork

Reply
Kallum
1/12/2017 11:54:23 am

Hi Rebecca I really liked your story. I hope you write a second part because I really want to know what happens next!! The words you used in your story was excellent. I wonder what the black figure was? Well done, Kallum Mrs. Boyce's class Cork.

Reply



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