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hayley

1/10/2017

7 Comments

 
​    The House of Horrors

I was playing football, kicking it against the wall but I accidently kicked it threw the window. Slowly, I opened the door and saw my ball. When I picked it up a gust of wind slammed the door shut. I was too scared to move when I heard a deafening howl. Three creepy wolves jumped out of nowhere. I dropped my ball onto the checkered floor and ran. I looked in front and behind. Which way? They were right behind me and now I was trapped. My eyes popped open frighteningly. It was just another dream.    

By Hayley
7 Comments
Sophie G
1/10/2017 08:41:45 am

Well done, really great story.
Star: Great punctuation.
Star: Great use of adjectives.
Wish: Maybe you could've added a few commas where necessary.
Star: Really excellent idea.
Star: Some of the words you used were superb.
Keep it up.
Sophie G

Reply
Daragh
1/10/2017 08:53:00 am

Very good story Hayley good punctuation and good adjectives

Reply
Hayley
1/10/2017 09:13:46 am

thank you both for your kind words

Reply
AOIFE
1/11/2017 08:24:17 am

***Great story this week***
***Great puncation ***
***Realy good adjetives***
wish= Just needs a better start to your story but its still reallyreally good.


Reply
Victor
1/12/2017 12:35:32 am

***Great story***
***Good punctuation***
wish:The start was better
Overall well done.

Reply
Paul
1/12/2017 01:09:03 pm

Hi Hayley! I loved how you put in the prompt. I also love the amount of detail you can put in with only a 100 words! I don't think you should walk into random houses even just to get a ball. Who knows maybe there's wolves waiting in it! I wonder how this dream correlates to real life? You know how people say dreams are a figment of the imagination? I think you just have bad dreams.
Mrs Boyce's Class
Paul
If you want to read (and hopefully comment) on my stories then here they are!
https://mrsboycesclass.100wc.net/tag/paul/

Reply
Rhys
1/18/2017 12:21:13 pm

Great story
Good punctuation
good adjectives
what happened next

Reply



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